Rules of the Road

While on the my four day trek to North Dakota and back, my dear friend, Melanie, read us a fun article entitled, “Rules of the Road.”  It was one woman’s insight on the essential ingredients for a good road trip, and while we didn’t agree with the writer totally, we thought it was a fun concept.

On the seven-day, 15-state trip, Alee and Stephanie and I compiled our own guidelines for a road trip win.  (We had a bit of time on our hands, it turns out.)  Here’s a recipe for success, according to us:

RULES OF THE ROAD

BY ALEE, JULIA AND STEPHANIE

1. Choose Your Road Trip Companions Wisely! 
1. They should have interesting stories to tell.  All three of us have lived abroad, one of us recently dated a repo man, and when all else fails, each of us can at least tell not-so-interesting stories in a variety of accents ranging from Minnesota Native to Southern Belle to French Mademoiselle.  Interesting stories (and accents)…check.
2. Sharing food for the entirety of the trip is non-negotiable.  If you are uncomfortable with people reaching onto your plate to try what you’ve ordered, you should probably just get out of the car now.
3. Though not required, it’s helpful if all passengers are within three-quarters of an inch of being 5’8” so there’s no need to adjust the driver’s seat.  Also, should everyone in the car wear a shoe size 10, that’s just bonus! 
4. A love of Broadway musicals and a strong working knowledge of lyrics to Wicked is HIGHLY recommended. 

2. Maintain A Sense of Humor Always

With the right people, even stopping at gas stations can be hilarious.  Stephanie would regale us—in perfect accent—with crazy things she overhead from the locals inside various establishments.  Alee kept us on our toes with an ongoing “gas pumps across America” photo shoot.  I provided the soundtrack of encouraging giggles from the backseat.

And if you can't decide what to order...Rock, Paper, Scissors is a good way to go

3. You Gotta Have Teamwork. 

This will enable you to, hypothetically, show up in Nashville at 9:30 pm on a Thursday and still have a fantastic meal.  Sounds simple, but it was quite a feat to…

1. Find the name of a restaurant that was still open, as it appears restaurants in Tennessee close en masse around 9 pm
2. Locate the afore-mentioned restaurant that was very cleverly hidden in a web of one-way streets on the bottom floor of a hotel in an obscure part of town (we like a challenge)
3. Secure a bottle of wine to drink at the afore-mentioned restaurant (this involves a mad sprint through a Target in flip flops, sassing one of their employees, regrouping in the parking lot, temporarily giving up hope, and then ultimately finding our treasure in a charming wine bar just a block away from our “BYOB” restaurant)
4. Finally catch our breath and settle into our DELISH Indian cuisine…with a few friendly observers.

Perhaps all this could have been avoided—but what would be the fun in that?—if our next RULE were not…

4. No Eating In Chain Restaurants. 

Duh.  The only exception is if it’s a regional chain you cannot find in your home state AND you have exhausted all other options.  This happened twice; the first time was on a Sunday evening in Iowa.  There is NOTHING open, I swear!  The second chain we patronized was during that 3 – 4 pm window on a Monday afternoon in Montgomery after being turned away from three other restaurants.  It ended up ok:

*Exception #2: Coffee can be purchased from chains…especially if free wifi is involved.

5. Yell At All Border Crossings

…or whisper-yell if a fellow passenger is sleeping, as was the case of TN, VA, NC, and SC…

6. Admire the Scenery.

Whether it’s the devastatingly handsome waiter at Layla’s Market, beautiful rivers through Memphis and Louisville, or a brilliant orange sunset in West Virginia, take the time to enjoy whatever view the road brings you. 

Charleston, West Virginia

7. Play to Your Strengths. 

If you are pressed for time, you may want to deputize the self-proclaimed “Aggressive Defensive Driver” to get you to your destination safely and swiftly.  (I’m not naming names.)

8. There Are NO Secrets In the Car. 

The upside of this is that I learned some Spanish while texting to someone’s boyfriend on behalf of that someone who was driving.  Now, my Spanish includes “what I learned on a high school mission trip to Mexico” vocabulary and “Spanish for Lovers.”  Olé!

9. Pay Attention to Road Signs. 

(This might have helped Stephanie and I a few summers back, when we made a two-hour detour driving from Santa Cruz to Fort Worth.  Oops!)  At any rate, we do not stop at establishments that advertise “CLEAN BATHROOMS!” as this is a guarantee they are anything but.

10. Sometimes, Sacrifices Must Be Made. 

You simply can’t do everything you’d like on a road trip, or you’ll never make it back home.  In Kentucky, we had to make the tough choice between visiting the National Corvette Museum or tasting bourbon at Maker’s Mark Distillery.  I think it’s clear what we chose…

That brings me back to Rule #1…